to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
