ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
