You work out of a Hotel?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
