I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
