I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
