people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
