i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
