I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
