Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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