I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
