I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
