i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I just sharted jello shots
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