bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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