and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
