I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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