WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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