I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
