I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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