I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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