I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize