I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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