Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
