What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
