U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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