He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
