I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize