none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
