Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize