the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
