I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
