The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
