if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
