Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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