Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm passing your future prison.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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