Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
