Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
