yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
