I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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