i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
