This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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