so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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