The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My Sexting was not on an AP level
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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