Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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