pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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