Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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