My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
