she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
