Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE