Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.