i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.