I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
