I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.