How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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