The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
