There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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