Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
