every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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