i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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