i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He better not be in your backpack
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
