I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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