Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
