If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
