I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
