respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My balls are so social today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
