I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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