just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
